Unbelieving Husbands

September 10, 2023

Unbelieving Husbands

One of the most difficult things for a godly Christian woman is to have a husband who is either an unbeliever or even who is a carnally-minded believer (someone who believes the gospel unto salvation but either has no interest in Bible study). It is difficult because it puts far more pressure on the wife and mother to have to be the spiritual head of the family (which is out of God's order of creation). Even if you don't have children, being with someone who is an unbeliever or carnally minded believer will still be difficult at times.

You will also have different world views. You will more than likely have different opinions on a variety of issues like how to raise your children and your children's education and even seeing things differently regarding finances, politics, science, entertainment, world history, etc and have some different moral values as well.

That being so, a Christian woman is still to be submissive unto her own husband. As I had talked about in a previous study, biblical submission is not about the husband abusing or being legalistic with his wife. Abuse should never be tolerated. But as long as your husband isn't asking you to sin, and isn't being abusive to you or your children, we are to submit to them.

Colossians 3:17-18 says, "And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord."

If you notice, it says that whatever we do in word or deed, we are to do it in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ (allowing Christ and His word to live in and through you), giving THANKS to God and the Father. So, we submit to our husbands, even an unbelieving husband (again, as long as he's not asking you to sin or go against your own understanding of scripture) by allowing Christ and His word to live in and through us and we are to do it with thankfulness. If we try to do this in our own efforts (by the flesh) we will fail and burn out, plus it will not lead to rewards in heaven or bring glory to God. So, regular Bible study and meditation on God's word rightly divided, believing it and obeying it is how we can obey our husbands.

We are also NOT to be preachy to our husbands (even with husbands who are believers). Women are NOT to teach men at all - not in the homes, churches or even in society. Women can teach their own sons when they are still children.

Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law. - 1 Cor 14:34

Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. - 1 Tim 2:11-12

We win our husbands over to Christ by:

Our Modest Dress and Appearance
Living a Holy, Chaste Lifestyle
Being Kind and Loving To Him
Being Affectionate with Him

If you have a believing husband then certainly you can enjoy Bible study together and discussions about God and His word. But with an unbelieving husband, we are to win our husbands over without the word.

1 Peter 3:1-2

“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word [are unbelievers or are believers who are not living godly], they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear."

Chaste conversation means: "not engaging in sexual relations outside of your marriage [not even watching, reading or listening to anything sinful or inappropriate]; free from obscenity [no fowl language, no course jokes, no "sexy selfies", etc]; decent: undefiled or stainless: pure in style; not excessively ornamented; simple."

Of course, we all sin even as believers and we all make mistakes, especially if we are new believers or new to understanding God's word rightly divided, but by allowing Christ and His word to live in and through us (walking in the Spirit) we can become more chaste and holy in our lifestyle choices.

We are also NOT to divorce a husband simple because he is an unbeliever. However, if he leaves you because of your faith (which does happen sometimes), then let him leave, there is nothing more you can do. We can just hope that they won't leave and do our best to love them even if they are not saved, and to submit to them.

1 Corinthians 7:13-15 says,

13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

I do also recommend always looking for the good in your marriage, being prayerful about it, and staying hopeful for your husband to be "saved and to come unto the knowledge of the truth". Your longsuffering is not for nothing! Suffering produces in us patience, experience and hope. This leads also to eternal rewards in heaven.

Romans 5:3-5 says,

"3 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;

4 And patience, experience; and experience, hope:

5 And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us."

We are really only on this earth for a short time compared to all of eternity. We have to stay heavenly minded about things. You might suffer with an unbelieving spouse or a believing spouse who's carnally-minded, but that suffering won't last forever and it could possibly even cause you to grow even more spiritually. Just keep studying God's Word rightly divided for yourself to learn more about what God teaches us regarding marriage and allow Christ to live in and through you in all things.

Final note: the unbelieving western world scoffs at the idea of traditional roles for men and women. However, we are to exalt and believe God's word over the culture, religion and the wisdom and traditions of men. In fact, the modern culture is on-par with Satan's course for this world. These unbelievers, or carnally minded Christians, might mock us, laugh at us and call us fools but this is to be expected.

1 Cor 1:

25 Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men; and the weakness of God is stronger than men.

26 For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called:

27 But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;

28 And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are:

29 That no flesh should glory in his presence.

Ephesians 2:2

2 Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air [Satan], the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience: